The Bottom Half

In the morning, there are about six main tasks you must complete before you dive into the waters of life. The first (and what I consider the hardest) would be the whole waking up part. The morning can be dreadful after a night out with unsolicited mixed liquids and monstrous blisters from dancing in last month’s paycheck, which you like to call your Michael Kors “Gotta Have’em Heels”. It is even excruciating to get up after vegging out on the couch with your oh so familiar friends Ben and Jerry while watching your other Friends; Ross, Rachel, Joey, Chandler and Monica on your season seven DVD. After you have conquered parting from your 800 count Egyptian cotton sheets and pillow top with memory foam mattress the rest is comparably painless.

The subsequent four steps are standard routine. You must urinate; this calls for no real explanation except for the fact that nature is calling. Next brush your teeth, possibly add in some floss and/or mouth wash in for extra minty freshness or to avoid a habitual scolding from your dentist. Fourthly, Shower. Now showering as a term can be used loosely. The outcome of this process is the result of time. If you have managed to allot yourself enough time to actually use the shower along with water, soap and luffa then more power to you. But on a scale of one to five there is about a forty percent chance that at least one or two times out of a five-day workweek you will take a dry shower. And if you’re thinking, “Oh, No she didn’t!” well yes I did. That’s right, instead of a warm, refreshing wet shower you choose to load up on the deodorant and perfume. Hey, it happens… Now the fifth step is subject for discrepancy as well. Applying make-up. Some women choose to wear it, some choose to opt out and some like to add to their salvaged make-up from the day(s) past. Whichever applies to you is fine with me. No judgment passed. Although, my guess would be that for the people who add to their leftovers the likelihood of them dry showering increases… a lot!

Lastly, the sixth and most stressful step is getting dressed. What you wear tells the world how you feel about yourself. It gives people insight to how you live your life. Stains may indicate that you are sloppy and don’t care, while clean pressed clothes show that you care about your appearance. It can even reveal what kind of hobbies you are into, what type of music you might listen to and even what kind of job you might have. You build your image through your ensemble by purchasing or making clothing that fit you both physically and spiritually. A day’s outfit can be a symbol and could eventually lead you to your next job opportunity or your next demise. If you pick something out that seems just a smidgen out of your realm it can undeniably ruin your day. Luckily, we have one particular piece that is universally admissible. A truly remarkable man made creation.

Jeans. They come in all sizes, colors and cuts. They cater to personal preference by offering a plethora of options so that you can determine what fits you best. They are perfect for any occasion. They can dress you up for your first hot date with the sexy stallion in advertising that you’ve been shamelessly flirting with for the past month. Or they can help you keep it casual while you overindulge in consumerism with your best girlfriends. The lower half of your body thanks you when you choose to wear them because for the next 18 hours you know that your day will be filled with comfort, confidence and compliments.

The best part about these beautifully woven pieces of raw textile is that everyone can wear them. They are undoubtedly androgynous. More and more men are wearing women’s and women are wearing men’s. These perfectly cut and sewn pieces of denim have been apart of so many special moments in our lives. They were there for you on your first day of school when fate walked in and introduced you to the person who would be your best friend for the next 5 decades, just because she wore the same pair. They were also there for you when you had your first kiss because Mr. Right (at the time) said he loved the way your pockets made your… best asset look. And they were also there for you when you went away to college and your freshman fifteen kicked in and they told you its ok, we stretch.

As women we have to thank the astounding progressive women of yesteryear for fighting for our right to wear this magical material. Historically women were only allowed to wear skirts and dresses to which they were left with only their hands to carry miscellaneous objects. Meanwhile men were able to prance around in the gold mines and on carrier vessels able to carry every tool they ever needed in their denim. But now we can grasp our independence by wearing any kind of jeans we like. Flares, skinny, bell-bottoms, boot cut, acid washed, black, hip huggers, bedazzled, and the list goes on. Not to mention the gorgeous brand names we can associate with our favorite kind. Special thanks to Fergie for singing about them.

Embrace this timeless icon and when you wake up tomorrow, early or late, shower or no shower. Throw on your favorite pair jeans for all mankind! No matter what, it’s going to be a good day.